Shifty's Dating Vlog Thing Whatever the Hell it is
by Lany17
Summary: Shifty does a dating vlog about his perfect date with guess who? FLAKY! Flaky goes for the ride of her life and Shifty tells about it in order to shorten his jail sentence cause he's tired and almost dropped the soap the other day. Slight SXF and crappy driving and swearing bleh also inspired by GTA


A black screen light up as a young man with green hair and a fedora on his head sat down at a table and grumbled. He wore a orange jumpsuit and looked into the video camera ahead of him.

"Uh welcome to Shifty's dating vlog thing or whatever the hell this is. My bro made me do this for him and decided since I got all the chicks I better help out you single men and this helps me shorten my jail sentence so...yeah" He gave a thumbs up and smiled fake like.

"I got a bunch of dates and I'll tell you my secrets...even though I'm really tired and almost dropped the soap yesterday but that's beside the point here! I really just wanna get out of jail cause I think this guy has stared me down these past couple of weeks and he can get what he wants so he worries me so here's tip number one. ALWAYS go to the date already somewhat drunk!"

"Best rule that made life easier in case the bitches complain about how you're crashing into poles and stuff. Drink like three or four beers then pee and drink two more beers. You'll be sober enough to drive, not to police standards but good enough to know not to drive off the highway. I went on a date and this is what happened"

XXSomewhere else earlier in the storyXX

Shifty drove down to his dates house in a nice car hoping to impress her.

SCREEECH

"I see a bus! I see the new party bus!" Shifty said and walked up to the bus stop. He held a gun to the drivers head and ordered everyone out. He sat down on the cushioned bus seat and snickered. He drove to a little red house downtown and got out before knocking on the maroon door. A red-headed girl looked quite shocked to see him outside her house with a town bus in a black jacket, white shirt and black dress pants.

"What are you doing here Shifty?" Flaky asked and saw she was wearing a baggy orange sweater with holes in it and a tight orange tank top underneath. She squeaked in embarrassment and fidgeted with the bottom of her hair which was down to her ribs. The back of her hair was knotted and went down to her mid back and various heights as her last hair cut was done by the "Professional", Mole. She squirmed uncomfortably and stared to hide behind her door but Shifty pushed the door against the wall making her unable to hide.

"I'm here to ask you on a date, on my party bus" He said and smiled politely.

"Uh..." Flaky asked completely bewildered.

"How about if I say a word even you don't know" Shifty said and Flaky smiled. Flaky was smart, she couldn't know a work that Shifty knew, right?

"Okay. If you do I-I'll let you take me anywhere" She said and Shifty's eyes brightened with an idea.

"Anywhere eh~. Hehehe well then Mrs. Discombobulated, Shall we be on our way?" Shifty said and grabbed Flaky's hand.

XX

"Tip number two. Take out the smart girls who are timid or shy but be a cheater and just make something up!"

XX

"THATS NOT EVEN A REAL WORD!" Flaky screamed.

"Yes it is! It's banned so don't even try and Google that shit!" Shifty said and laughed as dragged her out of her apartment.

"Wait...WHERE THE FUCK IS MY PARTY BUS?" Shifty asked.

"You didn't put it in neutral did you?" Flaky asked.

"Hehe whoops. Alright lets just take this car then!" Shifty said and walked up to a nice black car which looked quite expensive.

"But that's my landlords car! I could get kicked out if he found out I stole it!" Flaky said and Shifty laughed.

"I stole it and took you hostage, lets just say that!" Shifty said and grabbed Flaky's wrist pulling her inside the car.

"Damn, I forgot my beers in the bus" Shifty said.

"You're drunk?" Flaky asked delirious.

"Well...I may have had something to drink before picking you up but it's all good. Sit back and enjoy the show" Shifty said and laughed again. Flaky's eyes widened with fear for about the fouth time already on a "date" with Shifty. She admits it's nice he's not the drunk abusive type but he was wild and out of control. Suddenly Shifty put pedal to the metal and speed down the street before coming to a abrupt stop. Flaky and Shifty both banged their head on the car as they forgot their seat belts, although Flaky was short so she activated the airbag which she landed on perfectly. As for Shifty, he banged his head on the wheel and CD's came crashing down and scratched up his neck badly.

Flaky pushed the air bag onto her lap as it deflated and her breathing was quick and short.

_NOT NOW! _

"I think I'm going to pass out" Flaky said quickly and put her hand on her head.

"Oh god, car crashes and idiotic drivers" Shifty said and slightly laughed before checking on Flaky who was suffering from a panic attack and about to pass out.

"Flaky! Oh god are you alright? Let me take you to my place and get you fixed up!" Shifty said.

"Just take me to my house" Flaky said.

"Were too far away" Shifty said.

"Shifty, we drove like 5 minutes from my house before we stopped. I could walk home" Flaky said and Shifty's face went blank.

"You're just delusional! It's getting worse! OH MY GOD!" Shifty said and slammed on the gas button springing them forward into the three other cars that collided. He then backed out and drove down the road but almost got into yet ANOTHER crash when someone nearly took off their front bumper switching lanes.

"Really! You fucking idiot! Why don't you look behind you before you switch lanes! There's a blinker for a reason!" Shifty screamed and Flaky sighed before nearly melting into the seat trying to disappear.

XX

"USE YOUR FUCKING BLINKER! You won't die getting to the place with your date!"

XX

Soon they arrived at Shifty's place and got Flaky cleaned up.

"Sorry about that Flaky, well we still have a date ahead of us!" Shifty said and Flaky nervously laughed.

"Great..."

Shifty smiled and led Flaky to a car out front where Flaky stood questioningly.

"Is this even your car?" Flaky asked.

"Perhaps if I could afford it kidnapped girlie" Shifty said and got in. Flaky got in and Shifty carefully drove to the local bar, Pop-a-Beer.

"You took me to a strip club?" Flaky asked and looked at Shifty.

"It'll be fun!" Shifty said and smirked.

"Uh no" Flaky said and Shifty grabbed her from her armpits and dragged her into the club where it was dark and music was playing loudly. The only difference between a joint club and bar and this place was the huge stage in the back. It had several long poles set up and a spot light above it which was unlit.

"HOW ABOUT I BUY YOU A DRINK?" Shifty asked.

"WHAT?" Flaky asked over the loud music.

"WHAT?" Suddenly some woman came over to them. Topless and in play boy buddy outfits designed to show off their boobs.

"Hello! I'm Mia and this is Ashley! Please let us be of service to you!" The brown-haired girl said. She had dark skin and large breast which Flaky blushed bright red at. She was kind of takk but was skinny and had light green eyes. The other one was a blonde, with a tan or a golden brown glow. She was so perfect but guys liked girls like that, right? Slutty girls who were tall blonde but had the perfect tan to match her perfect ice blue eyes? Cheerleader Capitan type from high school? Shifty snickered at the blonde and took her hand and kissed it.

"Ladies, I'm Shifty and this is Flaky. I know you can certainly help me" He said and Ashley smiled.

"Alright, come then! Let me buy you a drink on the house!" Ashley said and Mia smiled nicely at Flaky

"Looks like we're all alone sweetheart" He said and rubbed her hand down Flaky's arm. She shivered and backed away scared.

"I-I'm not a costumer. I'm here on...a really shitty date" She said and looked away ready to leave when Mia grabbed her arm and dragged her back into the club.

"H-Hey" Flaky said and Mia dragged Flaky to the bar. She ordered a shot and commanded Flaky to drink it.

"What?"

"Drink it. You look like the type that needs unwinding" Mia said and smiled.

"Um. Okay" Flaky said and looked uncertain at the shot when Mia did a imitation of someone doing a shot. Flaky sighed and drank it quickly. She nearly choked as she didn't take it right but she laughed when she saw she got most of it on her shirt.

"Haven't you ever taken a shot before?" Mia asked.

"No. I grew up where anything with alcohol or wine or anything bad for you in general like ciggs and meds weren't there" Flaky said and Mia nodded.

"I see, hehe looks like Ashley and your "date" are having fun. I can't believe he ditched you" Mia said and Flaky glanced at Shifty before looking away a little hurt._ Did he really ditch me here? And did he have it planned out? I didn't even wanna go on this date. Is he that much of an asshole? _ Flaky felt tears rush into her eyes at the thought of Shifty purposely tricking her into going on a date and ditching her to feel worthless. Mia obviously noticed because she immediately apologized and ordered another drink.

"I didn't know you had a thing for him" She said and Flaky shook her head.

"It's not that! I just...I got out of a bad relationship and I didn't think Shifty was that much of an asshole to do something this mean. He's a terrible person but he usually ends up paying back later"

"Ohhhhh. He's _that_ kind of guy huh" Mia said and took a drink.

"Yeah, but he's the only one who will give me the time of day other than his brother Lifty who isn't as bad but...there's something to Shifty that Lifty just doesn't have" Flaky said and sighed again.

"Don't worry okay Flaky! Why don't I get you a new shirt from the back. Come on" Mia said and dragged Flaky into a back room. Flaky removed her shirt and Mia held a bright white one in her hands.

"I hate this job so much" Mia said and Flaky's ears perked up.

"Why is that?" She asked curiously.

"Because I think I hate men. They're so disgusting always wanting to get in your pants you know. Woman can organize things you know" Mia said and Flaky nodded.

"Yeah. Men can be slobs. That's why women get ra-"

"DON'T TALK ABOUT THAT!" Mia nearly shouted and Flaky jumped.

"I-I-I'm s-sorry. I didn't know it was a s-sensitive topic for you" Flaky said and took deep breaths trying to control her breathing.

"Did I startle you?" Mia asked and hugged Flaky. Flaky blushed as she felt Mia's bare skin on her cheek and hands. Flaky's face fit perfectly on Mia's shoulder and her hands rested below her collarbone but above her chest.

"M-Mia I told you I-I-" Flaky was quieted when Mia covered her mouth with her own. Flaky's eyes widened. Flaky had no idea how to react to such a situation. Mia was a girl and she was on a date with Shifty, but he practically brought her out of...well Flaky actually had no idea. Just out of the fact that he was an asshole and Mia was comforting her but that didn't make anything okay. Honestly she wished Shifty would show up or someone! Flippy! Giggles! And she suddenly gasped, Splendid! Flaky pushed Mia away but ended up falling into a chair and Mia smirked.

"M-Mia! Someone help! Splendid!" Flaky screamed in panic. Suddenly the door busted in and Shifty was there looking panicky.

"Sh-Shifty!" Flaky said happily.

"What's going on?" He asked and Mia helped Flaky up.

"Oh nothing! Just getting her a new shirt and she fell" Mia said probably to avoid getting fired.

"Then why did she call for Splendid?" Shifty asked and Flaky sat there. She couldn't move, her heat raced too much. She was going to have a panic attack.

"Flaky we we're just changing right? Flaky? Flaky!" Mia said and ran over to her. Flaky couldn't talk or at least she felt like it. She felt as if her throat was swelling up and sweat poured down her face.

"Flaky! Is she okay?" Mia asked and Shifty ran over to her. Flaky tried to get up but ended up nearly falling if Shifty hadn't held her steady.

"She's having a panic attack. It shouldn't last too soon. You should probably leave" Shifty said and sat down on the floor with Flaky in his arms. She looked as if she couldn't breath and might have passed out. Shifty sighed and watched a Flaky calmed down.

"Sh-Shifty" She whispered and he looked at her.

"I'm sorry Flaky" He whispered and she nodded.

"Can we go back to your place. I feel so tired and mine is too far away" She said and Shifty nodded. He wrapped her arm around his neck and wrapped his arm around her torso as if she was wounded. She looked tired and Shifty smiled as there were no idiot driving. He even smiled when he saw someone use his blinker.

"He's using a blinker! God bless his soul if he's religious...Peace be with you!" Flaky smiled and looked out the window tired and almost fell asleep when the image of Shifty and Ashley popped into her mind. He gave her a roll of cash and stuck it in her breasts before looking at her. She frowned and saw they were stopped.

"Where at my place, come on I'll let you sleep in the bedroom" Shifty said and helped her into his apartment. It was small and only had one bedroom while a mattress sat on the floor with a pillow and blanket.

"Lifty is out somewhere and I don't know when he's coming back. His scarf is missing and he usually sneaks out while I'm gone. He doesn't like being alone and will stick with me even if I treat him like shit he still sticks around because I will talk to him" Shifty said and chuckled.

"I should treat him better, but when we get out and own a place he need to be by himself so tough love for now" Shifty said talking mostly to himself. He helped Flaky to the bedroom and laid her on the bed. She was nearly asleep so he smiled before kissing her forehead and cheek. He looked at her lips as he leaned in but decided against it and stood up straight. He flicked off the light and was closing the door when he blushed.

"Good night Shifty" Flaky said and rolled over to sleep. Shifty smiled and closed the door all the way before plopping down on the mattress.

XXPresent time and present placeXX

"That bro is a date. Now I just need to pay the people from the accident, bar owner for lending the two strippers and the club, everyone in the club and the city mayor for lending me a bus. Perfect date planning might not always be the cheapest but you'll get somewhere with the lovely lady" Shifty said and winked into the camera.

* * *

Hey! Well I randomly got inspired watching my fav youtube play GTA and well...It was like 3AM when I wrote this but I added to it so...Hope you enjoyed lol and review!


End file.
